Hello.

I am back. /epic flailing

Actually, I have been up and about (in case this, this and most recently, this weren't sure signs of me still living a life). It's just that with the forced hiatus (due to stupidity on my part), plus life for the past two and a half months flew by at breakneck pace that it was impossible to have done a decent blog. Nope. Nu uh.

So, this will be like a monster posts of sorts, just to tie in the past two and a half months to the present.

Here goes everything.

"And so it goes with God."

I was finally able to finish Life of Pi last week, and I must say that unless another book of this caliber ends up on my shelf (whether part of the loot of the upcoming MIBF or after), this will be my favorite book for the year. I was in tears when it ended.

The title of this blog post came from that part where I lost all composure. I don't want to spoil anything, but that answer made sense of the impossible, of the incomprehensible.

My copy of this book came with a reading group guide, and one of the questions was this: How does it (the last few lines of the story) relate to the claim that this is a story "that will make you believe in God?" My answer to this is quite simple - this book will make you believe in God because it is an impossible story, and God is a God who makes all things possible.

One thing common about the religions dabbled upon in this book is that each of them had its own story, and with these, they brought to the table its own unique traits. Hinduism was about continuity and connectedness. Islam was all about brotherhood and devotion. Christianity was about love and undeserved grace. All of these elements were touched upon in this book, and in my perspective, did not give one preference over the other.

For me, that was the beauty of Life of Pi. It wasn't a "religious" book, for what I saw was a guy who got stranded on a boat with a tiger, a hyena, a zebra, and an orangutan (plus some rats and cockroaches) who knew well enough that he wouldn't survive the ordeal. But instead of giving up, he surrendered his life to a Higher Being, and made use of everything in his surroundings in order to survive. What was put on a pedestal here wasn't the religion, but rather, the relationship that person had with God. And in the end, it was never about religion. It was all about the relationship.

This was a story of faith - that even if it's the size of a mustard seed, we could command the Bengal tigers of our lives into submission. This was a story of waiting on God, knowing that what had been promised will come to pass; a story of expectation - that we could have such wild hope over something that was unseen. This was a story of love - that we could love an unseen, and yet true God, who loves and cares for us more than what we deserve.

I SUPER TO THE DUPER HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK. =D Oh, and even better, the movie comes out this year. =D

--- --- ---

I watched The Phantom of The Opera last Saturday. And like with Life of Pi, I CRIED.

It was AWESOME. The only coherent thing I can say about it now is that it's worth every centavo. Just GO AND BUY YOUR TICKET, and don't fret over the price, because it won't disappoint.

My favorite part, as I have already raved on FB, was when "The Phantom of the Opera" was sung. It was EPIC - stage design, vocals, acting, the orchestra (HNNNG THE ORCHESTRA) - everything. When the song ended, I wiped my tears and let go of the railings from which I've been holding on to furiously. 

I wonder though why I didn't cry in the finale. The people whom I've talked to who have watched this told me that that part got to them so bad. Apparently, another part got me. XD

I truly hope this won't be my last Broadway show. When Les Miz comes here, I will DEFINITELY WATCH, being my namesake is there. =D

--- --- ---

Here are some other awesome things that happened since I last posted:

• The Project Wendy photoshoot happened. If you're in the Tom Hiddleston fandom, you'd know what this was for. We had so much fun. Personally, I've never been more proud of the photos I've taken with this shoot. I also finally got to go to Paco Park (being the Rizal fangirl that I am, it would be an absolute TRAVESTY if I didn't set foot here), which was OSAM. 
•  THRANDUIL ELVENKING WAS FINALLY REVEALED. I was a mess last Friday. I was weeping (sincerely!) from all of the emotions. Lee Pace looked so bad-ass and ethereal at the same time. Just. HNNNNNG. He will definitely be something to look forward to in this super extended movie version of The Hobbit. I wonder though, if Thranduil will be on all three movies. Hmmmmm...
• Finals for me will officially end tomorrow with our presentation for E-marketing. I'm preparing myself, in case we have to dance GANGNAM STYLE to get the attention of our panel. I hope that this won't push through (LIKE HECK YES PLEASE SANA NGA)
• I've been writing my book. =D
• I'm on leave from stage ministry.

And...that's pretty much it! 

Happily ever after - a longer version this time

As promised, I am posting about the Author event that happened yesterday. Of course, I have to repost the epic Samantha Sotto photoset, and along with that my pictures with our other speakers  - Larry Gamboa, RJ Ledesma, Charles Tan, and Grace D. Chong (I had to be the host during the afternoon session. HOST!!!!! /dedz).

I feel really privileged to have organized this event (though it is rather tiring, LOL. By the time the event ended I realized I had a poor excuse of a meal for lunch and had next to nothing for merienda. I would have crashed along Pasay Road if weren't for CBTL.). But being a reader and a writer myself, having to listen to all of these people talk about their author journey is nothing less than inspiring.

About this time last year, I remember that I was seriously contemplating on returning to Manila even if it meant resigning from work and being unemployed. There was so much uncertainty during that time, as well as self-doubt.

But looking back on it now, I realized I didn't have to fret so much. From that very low point last year, I'm now meeting people whom I though I'd never meet in my lifetime, learning new things at a speed that I'm not used to, and taking on responsibilities that I never even thought I'd handle...oh, and did I mention writing a book?! It's all just amazing. It's far from "living a dream", but it's far from half-bad.

And on this note, you've just been Loki'd. #appropriatelokireactiongifisappropriate

Happily ever after

So today, I...
1. Asked Samantha Sotto to autograph my copy of Before Ever After---
2. And not just any autograph - but a GEEKY autograph---
3. And I asked her if we could do a wacky shot.
Check, check, and check.

(Autograph says: To JC, Find your inner chicken. Love, Sam).

 MY DAY. IT IS MADE.

 Ms. Sam, if you're reading this, thank you so much for being a sport to my wacky/off-the-beaten-track whims during Project Author today. It's the first time I met an author to whom I can actually relate to, especially when you were gushing over Dr. Who!

It was such an honor to have heard the story of before Before Ever After. Now, I really have to keep on writing. Thank you also for giving me the tip of texting myself in order to store book/plot ideas in the middle of the night. XDDD

(Okay, I know what's written above is pretty much what I posted on FB and Tumblr, but I just want to get this down cause I'm still in utter disbelief of what happened! Hahahaha! I'll probably blog more about this event in the next few days.)

 --- --- ---

Okay. I seriously need a day off. SO TIREEEEEDDDDD.

Tomorrow - 2PM service, and SLEEPTIEMZ. And maybe BLOGTIEMZ also. Let's see...

Holy Week

Hello people of the Interwebz. Belated Happy Easter. =)

Holy Week is usually busy for me, but this past one was more relaxing than the previous ones.

On Easter Sunday, we sang (once again) the Hallelujah Chorus, and Because He Lives. Did I mention that we did these songs for all four services? Yes we did. /sigh 

I must admit that singing in choir is one of my weaknesses. I can sing in unison, but I don't have the ear that can tell if I'm blending with everyone else. I'm usually too loud or...too loud. /hehehe

The next day, the entire ministry went to Subic! Wooohoooo!!! I can't even remember the last time I went there. Thanks to this outing, I got to experience the following:

1. Sleep inside the church building. We had to be in the bus along Pasong Tamo before 5AM, so rather than I go out of the streets of Manila at 4AM and be exposed to a lot of risk, I opted to sleep in church instead. I got to leech off of the church's wi-fi (hahaha) and played one round of DrawSomething with a classmate before I went to bed. 
2. Ride a banana boat. I initially wanted to ride a jetski, but P3,500 for one hour was just waaaay too much, plus there's the stress of learning how to operate a jetski (and the sheer fear of getting stranded out at sea XD). The next best thing was a banana boat ride, which was basically an inflated banana-shaped boat being pulled by a jetski.
3. The dreaded beach. I'm not a beach person - I would rather be in a swimming pool. I think the last beach I went to was Bohol, which was...2007/2008(?). I dislike being in the saltwater (although come to think of it, drinking saltwater is more au naturel compared to drinking water laced with chlorine XD), so I just made the most out of the day.

Here's a photo of us on the boat prior to jet-off (LOL I wonder if that's the proper term). The banana boat was worth P250 for 15 minutes, which is kind of steep, but worth it. We circled the bay three times, and got close enough to a South Korean ship. I screamed "Annyong hase yo!" but it looked like no one was there. (I'm sociable that way.)

At the end of the ride, the jetski driver took a very sharp turn that made the boat turn upside down, which made all of us fall into the water. That was probably the best part of the entire ride (and the funniest), though I drank some of the saltwater by accident (ugggghhh beaches).

Overall, I'm happy with how Holy Week was spent. I also got to write some chapters for my book (OH YES!).

Just another dying ★

Bagyo Berde was, needless to say, very memorable. Why it was isn't because of euphoria of singing in open air at the Alma Mater (it was very stressful, IMO). The journey to getting there is a better story to tell. A Chinese proverb says, the journey is the reward.

In a nutshell, I'm very grateful for being a finalist. I was expecting that we would at least place (keeping positive vibes, of course), but the songs that we did were risky, given the genre of the other 10 bands that played (we called our genre jazz + funk = junk). Deviating from rock was our idea of a "winning" strategy, but alas. 

Anyway, People's Choice isn't a bad spot to be in. In fact, just two days ago, we performed again at the Alma Mater for The Art of Cosplay.  Now this thing right here was quite interesting. We were told that we're getting a televised performance as our prize for winning People's Choice, and we had to be in school by 5:30 PM. Then, I was told that on the  day that we were performing in a competition, which made me panic because we didn't have any practice. When I arrived at the venue, I found myself in a COSPLAY event. And, should I say it? NHK WAS THERE. 

If you're ID 102 and lower/higher (until probably ID 104/105), you'll understand how shocking this is - COSPLAY. IN DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE OBEY-OR-BE-DAMNED DRESS CODE? Gosh, back in the day, we couldn't even come up with a cosplay event, we only stuck with the usual Miyazaki film showings, Minna Utao! and of course the cultural activities like sadou, but a cosplay is an event that NKK could only dream of producing during my time. This event, from what I've gathered, had the support of the CLA Graduate Student Council (solid backing, if I may say so myself), with NKK and I think another org...so a combined force can definitely stage an event like this.

Anyway, I digress. Had I known that we would be performing in a COSPLAY event, I would have brought out my Rinoa costume (sans long hair, of course), or prepare a J-pop song that's bandworthy. Alas, alas...

What was common about yesterday's performance and last Wednesday's was the sheer difficulty of setting up the instruments. Tuesday was understandable, but last Wednesday was just beyond me. We  had a sound check prior to the event, but we still had setup/audio problems. 

The delay was shorter last Wednesday compared to Tuesday, though. In fact, it got so long that I couldn't think of anything witty to say to the audience. So, I flipped through my head (a la iPod) some of the recent J-pop/anime themes that I knew by heart, and said, "Okay lang ba na kumanta ng J-pop na acapella?" I wasn't entirely sure what response I got (yes/heck no/whatever), but I went with my gut and blurted out, "This is LET IT OUT by Miko Fukuhara." Boom. I sang the verse, then the chorus. It was nearly mechanical, the way I did it. I've only sung the song in Wako (HAHAHAHA). If you're reading this and you were there, I give my humblest of floorbows or my widest of smiles to you, whichever is appropriate. =D

Anyway, after that, we got to play our two songs. Both were pretty smooth-sailing. The Wednesday performance was obviously more stressful than Tuesday's. On the basis of my performance alone, I think Tuesday was better; I mostly blame myself being so stressed about the performance last Wednesday, and partly on the stage monitor (I had to walk to the house just to hear myself).

I think a shout-out to Noey is in order for cheering me on two days ago (sorry talaga, I didn't realize it was you until I saw you up close /fail), and had I known that she was performing I would have attempted leaving the office earlier. =) And, on the subject of shout-outs, if you cheered on for us last Wednesday either by going to DLSU, or voted for us through text/coin bank, plugged us on the radio, or lifted us up in prayer, THANK YOU. This win is yours just as much as it is ours.

--- --- ---

This song was on repeat the weekend before Bagyo Berde. I was happy to have this on repeat, in spite of it bringing tears to my eyes everytime I listened to it. Basically, it puts the whole experience into the right perspective. :-)

Because I'm usually the one who takes the shot (a.k.a. The Cherry Cherry Boom Boom Photoshoot)

For my utter lack of coherence in the previous post, I regret nothing. (HAHA!)

But to save face, here's a more coherent version.

I am obligated to provide a link to the portfolio of the uber-demanding photographer (sobrang demanding niya, you have no idea).

Being the person who's (unofficially) the official photographer for events - whether they are family reunions, work or church related events, I RARELY get really good photos (as in VAVAVOOM GOOD). The people I take pictures of end up with the good photos (and eventually, DPs), while I end up with the usual substandard selca or a picture of myself that wasn't taken well because of poor lighting, composition, and/or laziness. I get even more pissed if a person who has zero knowledge about the use of DSLRs handles Oberon, but that's another story.

So, you could just imagine how happy I was when this photoshoot was scheduled, and how much I was freaking out when I saw what came out of the shoot. YE GADS - I finally have a decent photo!

It was a night of too much eyeliner (not only for me, but also for the guys!), too much black eyeshadow, and questionable fashion sense (blazer + shorts + rubber shoes = say what now?). The photos were taken in fire escapes and hallways. This particular picture was taken at the hallway, with no light except from the flash. We found the sofa stashed at the corner leading to the CR.

It's actually fun being photographed when you don't have to be "pretty", cause I pretty much suck at that no matter how hard I try. =P

Can I say that I was trying to channel Coco Rocha fierceness during this shoot? In my head I was telling myself, "think Coco Rocha fierce, be Coco Rocha fierce..." Now that I think about it, I don't understand why I would I think of a high-fashion model during a band photoshoot, and not someone like Gwen Stefani or Amy Lee.

Anyway, some of the friends who saw this said that I look like the female vocalist of Taken By Cars. That wasn't my intention at all, but I do see the similarity. XP

Oh - in other band-related news, we have decided on a cover song. =)

Birthday month splurging; slice-of-life blogging

November is - without a doubt - the most expensive time of the year for me. It isn't surprising because it's my birthday month, first of all, and it's the month before Christmas. Of course, if I do my math, December is definitely more expensive than November, but due to (of course) 13th month I have more cash on hand after all the holiday spending is done.

Two weeks ago, I bought 1Q84 (I have yet to read it - still finishing Norwegian Wood). This weekend, I splurged on jewelry. The last time I spent money on the same kind of items was...July? And they were small earrings with prices that were extremely marked-down. Since November to December is the time when most bazaars are organized, I went to World Trade Center to check out what I could buy.

Before today, Mama already bought me three earrings from the same bazaar yesterday (technically, she didn't buy it for me - she bought a bunch of earrings at wholesale and she gave me the opportunity to pick out the pairs I liked). From that bunch, I picked three. Then, she convinced me to go back with her the next day - and so I did.

I'm very happy with the stuff I bought. I did go over budget though. /facepalm This weekend's damage finds are the following:

• Escada Ocean Lounge
• Four earrings
• Two rings
• Skechers sandals

If there's any piece of jewelry that I'm willing to spend a lot for, it will have to be the ring. I think my rings are more expensive than all my earrings (bought mostly from tiangges) put together. For instance: when I got my DVD copy of the fullscreen edition of The Return of The King, it came with brochure for LOTR jewelry. It included *drumroll please* The One Ring in gold and silver versions, complete with the Elvish inscription One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to find them all and in the darkness bind them! I really wanted to buy one for myself, but the dollar amount was so darn high that it would take a miracle for me to afford it with my college allowance coupled with my then-part time job. Anyway, I digress. I bought two rings - on my pointer is a handmade amethyst ring, and on my pinky is a ring made out of bone (from what source I didn't ask XD. I only know that it was imported from Vietnam). 

  

Here are two of the four earrings I got. I finally got my first pair of feather earrings. The ones I've been seeing are too expensive (my expensive for earrings is more than Php150 - wahahahahaha!), and this pair only cost me 75 bucks (yay!). The other one is again, Bohemian-inspired (my favorite style for earrings).

I cannot wait for the next payday (which is this week, HURRAH!)

--- --- ---

I don't follow a lot of blogs, except of course those that are written by my friends. I do read blogs of non-friends, and it's not the typical movie or fashion blog...I actually fancy people who blog about themselves and  what happens in a day of their life (weird, huh? parang stalker tuloy ako...wahahahaha!). I like it more if they relate their stories in a way that is effortless - like they're not trying hard to be eloquent, and yet their writing style is very fluid. I actually follow a blog of this person who's living in Scotland who does a-day-in-her-life posts like it was copied from some novel. I'm a sucker for those kind of things. 8)

I have come across some blogs that do slice-of-life who try to be profound, but their profound-ness (for lack of a better word) is really crappy. I could sense if a blogger is trying hard to write in a way that is different from the manner he speaks (and I know this isn't just me, cause I tried showing a gadawful blog post I found to an officemate, and she concluded along with me that said blogger is trying so hard to be eloquent that he achieved anything but eloquence). I don't exactly know how to quantify how I sense this...but here's my best try at it: if I feel uncomfortable reading a blog post, then it is highly likely that the blogger wrote it in a manner that he isn't used to.  

I guess...the reason why I'm saying all this is that if you really want to talk about your life online, and you want to be believable, then the best way to do it is to write the way you speak. It adds to the authenticity of your post, plus you won't come across as some poser. If you'd like to think otherwise, even Grace D. Chong, who won a Palanca Award, blogs in a very down-to-earth way. 

--- --- ---

And so ends November this week. It is (soon will be was) a very tough month, but I know I'm learning,  growing, and healing. =)

If you know what I'm going through and you've felt the brunt or the worst of it but responded with patience,  thank you. It will take some time for me to heal, but I'm getting there.

Boo

I have not been updating. I am sorry. *facepalm*

This sorry state is about to be remedied.

--- --- ---

I turned 26 two Saturdays ago. Twenty-six is a good age (I think I don't look 26 - I certainly don't act like  26!), but it's a few years shy from 30. Not so good. =/ I don't think I fit into the "thirties' mold right now, or anytime soon...

Anyway, I decided on a Guy Fawkes birthday theme this year. Apparently, not too many people in my circle of friends knew about Gunpowder Plot Day/Guy Fawkes Day/Remember, remember, the 5th of November day. I keep on telling people in the days leading to November 5 that it is a holiday declared in my honor and that they should page homage to me by sending cash gifts or in kind. They simply knew my Guy Fawkes mask as the V mask from V for Vendetta, which is close enough.

I cut up a bunch of Guy Fawkes masks and gave it to the people whom I was with during the day, and I shot photos of people, including myself, wearing the mask. It's kind of like a mature children's party, if you will - wala nga lang party hats. I decided on not having pasta for my birthday dinner. Instead, I had some risotto and fish & chips. *shrug* 

The only major detail I missed was the bonfire. /tsk

--- --- ---

I finished reading this book last month. It took me a whole frigging month to finish it. /le sigh Things haven't exactly been smooth-sailing the past two and a half months, which explains the whole hiatus/drought of posts that this blog had experienced. Kafka is a good writier, although I feel that his writing style isn't engaging enough. 

The Hunger Artist remains to be my favorite Kafka story, as well as this other short story included in this collection, the title of which escapes me at the moment. In the Penal Colony was nice in its own disturbing way. I usually am very partial to those kind of stories but my imaginings of the Bed, the Designer and the Harrow were too detailed. By the time the climax happened, I was cringing.

Now, I'm reading A Wild Sheep Chase by - you guessed it - Haruki Murakami. This is the first of three Murakami books that I bought during the MIBF, and on top of this I've got other readings for school to do...but the great thing about Murakami's books is the way his stories draw you in, that you don't realize that you've read this many pages until you glance at how many pages you have actually read.

After this book, I still have Norwegian Wood and South of the Border, West of the Sun from my MIBF stash to read. After that, I will move on to to this ...

1Q84 BABY!!!!!! ZOMG KEYBOARD SMASH ASFOPHSDIOCVNASDHV9PAWEYFHP0IO!!!!! All my kuripot-related arguments have become invalid. /le sigh

Already I'm getting requests if this book can be borrowed after I'm done reading it. I'm okay with lending, but I'm not really sure when I'll be able to lend it. This is the thickest Murakami I've ever laid eyes upon. It doesn't help too that I've got other Murakami books in the pipeline, plus real life and everything else in between.

On the subject of lending, I think I ought to be making a list of the books I have here so they can be lent out. Hmmmm...that might be a good project. 

--- --- ---

This year, I am officially grandparent-less. Tatay and Nanay (side ni Papa) passed away just over a week apart last month. It's really sad, and for a while the family was in a state of funk. 

On both occasions, I was asked to look for a solo picture of both of them to be displayed during the wake. Looking for a good photo wasn't hard, but when I did that I realized that I have no recent photo of me with my grandparents, or even with one of them beside me.Ako kasi lagi ang tagakuha ng picture. That really depressed me for a while. But, when I shared this to one of my titas, she chastised me: "Hay naku, JC. Kung hindi dahil sa iyo, wala tayong magandang picture na maipapakita ng sa Nanay at sa Tatay, at wala rin kaming  magandang kuha kasama sila kung hindi dahil sa iyo." Though the thought of that was quite relieving, I still wish I had a recent picture with them.

--- --- ---

A few years ago, sinabihan ako ni Tatay na bilhan ko siya ng libro. I always knew that he loved to read - kadalasan nga mas updated pa siya sa showbiz happenings kesa sa akin. Mwahahahahahaha. 

Tinanong ko sa kanya kung anong klaseng libro ang gusto niyang bilhin ko. Very specific ang sagot niya - gusto niya yung mga biography. He wanted to read the life stories of the likes of JFK, Nelson Mandela, etc. I was fully intent on buying him a brand new book (as in hardbound - I remember even looking for a good enough biography, choosing between JFK, Winston Churchill, and I think even Adolf Hitler) but I was convinced by the parental units to try my luck at second-hand bookstores.

That's where I found that book - the unauthorized biography of Frank Sinatra as written by Kitty Kelley. It was the perfect book - laging kinakanta ni Tatay ang My Way (aka second national anthem ng Pilipinas) at New York, New York tuwing magka-karaoke. I bought it without giving a second thought, and gave it to him nung sunod na uwi ko sa Calumpit. He was able to finish the book within days. When I went back, kinuwento na niya sa akin ang buong libro (it fascinated him that Sinatra was part of a mafia of some sort, but admittedly, I don't really care about the mafia, I just like listening to his songs XD). 

The book was damaged because of Pedring, hence the not-so-good condition in the photo above.

--- --- ---

Nung namatay ang Nanay (nauna siya sa Tatay), ramdam mo kaagad na wala na siya. Lagi kung umuuwi kami sa Calumpit, pagka-mano mo pa lang tatanungin ka na kaagad: "Nag-merienda ka na ba?" or "Nasaan si [insert name of kapatid/pinsan/tito/tita na absent on that day]?". Nung umuwi ako for the first time since namatay siya, walang nagtanong sa amin nun. It was downright depressing.

One of the reasons why Ondoy became bearable was because pinahiram niya kami ng maisusuot. Actually, na-enjoy kong suotin ang duster niya. Hahahahaha! Tsaka, we were very well fed for a storm like that. As in walang de lata or instant noodles kind of food - we had real food that day (birthday celebration kasi ni Tatay kaya maraming pagkain, but I think even without the birthday we'd still be decently fed). All of the beds available in the house had mosquito nets over it because of her. Lahat kami nagkaroon ng unan nung matutulog na kami because she prepared our beddings. Sa umaga, meron kaming sinangag at hotdog dahil maaga siyang nagigising. Or, during very special days, may gatas ng kalabaw pa. Haaaaaaaay. 

She was the one who told me to put ice on my skin asthma in order to relieve the itching. I got the idea of putting my arms/legs/face in front of the aircon whenever I have a skin allergy attack from her. Naiisip pa nga niya at times, lalo na kung may ulang na ulam kung may dala pa akong gamot (at naalala niya pati ang pangalan). Hardcore. 

I guess that pretty much explains my hiatus of sorts. There's nothing really "happy" to post about. For a while, everything was in shades of gray, and if something were colored, the hues were faded. I wasn't also in the mood to meet with people - even for birthdays. Heck, I even toned down my own birthday celebration (I didn't have a bonfire XD). It's just...le sigh. 

--- --- ---

I know, November is NaNoWriMo, but I haven't got time for that - add that to the fact that every time I joined NaNo and crossed 50K I have to have MAJOR THERAPY done to my back. Not good. 

Plus, I don't really know how to do 50K with my workload + grad school + everything else in between. It's next to impossible right now. 

Most importantly, I don't have a plot. So yeah.

--- --- ---

I want a new header image. I was doing a vector awhile ago but scrapped the idea. Whatever it is, I know it will come sooner or later.

A date with my DSLR, 101011, Kafka

Today, I finally took Oberon out.

It was a working date though.

--- --- ---

Was at Dusit Thani the whole day (from 7 to 7). I haven't been inside Dusit since...2008 (or 2009), so it was nice to be back there again for work. I haven't gone out with a camera for a long time (I blame it on my lack of social life, cause my life basically revolves around work-school-church /le sigh), which was why I was happy that I thought of bringing Oberon along. 

I posted most of my pictures on FB...they're kind of work-related (most of them). I only posted the non-work ones in Tumblr (I haven't uploaded the food pics yet...I may work on editing tomorrow). 

I like the Dusit ballroom. I'm still partial to the Manila Pen ballroom though, but Dusit (plus its food, HOMG) isn't bad at all.

--- --- ---

My favorite Kafka short story thus far is Before The Law. I find it very profound. One should always challenge the status quo, even if you have to face one gatekeeper after the other. 

For me, each gate is an opportunity. Imagine - how would you feel if you've waited for the gate to be opened for you, only to find out near the end of your life that the gate was made only for you, and that no one else but you could be admitted inside, even if you were told by the same gatekeeper that you cannot go in? It's such a waste. It reminded me how much I don't want to live a life of regret.

--- --- ---

This is so late...it wasn't late in Tumblr though, but I feel that I should have given this thing here 360-degree coverage. XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AHN CHIL HYUN! Maygasssh you are thirty-freaking-two and still wooing the hearts of young girls (and boys, LAWL).

Birthday wish: a freaking album that has more than just sad ballads (oh God please) and autotune, because honestly, autotune is a disgrace for his voice, plus I am kind of sick and tired of the sad-maglalaslas-na-lang-ako-ng-siko type of songs that he composes. I know that's kind of his signature style of songwriting, but there's got to be more than just that.

Anyway, if he does release new material, that will make me so frigging happy.

Em Ay Bee Eff (MIBF)

I told myself last week, "By nook or by crook, I'll get my butt to the MIBF this weekend!" And I did.

The perfect schedule dawned on me while I was tossing and turning early Sunday morning: go to SMX at 10AM, get books (I've got a list down to stay on budget and avoid splurging - HAH!), then go to Makati.

Having a list can do you wonders. I didn't get some of the books that I wanted, but nevertheless I got other good books that I'm looking forward to read in the coming months. This also means - of course - that I won't be buying any books, or anything that is classified under "wants" that''s extravagant for the coming months. /le sigh

See, books are one of my biggest weaknesses. Give me a book on a subject or author that I like and I will devour it. I'd rather shop for books than clothes, to be honest...not that I find clothes shopping dreadful (at times I do), but for me, there's nothing more fulfilling than going through the shelves of a bookstore. There's also nothing more intriguing than a book that draws you to itself. There are times that I buy a book and enjoy it without even reading a review about it online or hearing about it from someone. It doesn't happen all the time...but when it does I'm rarely disappointed.

Here are the books that I bought. The Amplified Bible I got for 30% off, which is a good enough bargain (best bargain still is getting leather-bound NASB/NIV study/app Bibles for ONE THOUSAND BUCKS EACH). I'm having trouble with finding a place for my big books. The rest are all fiction books - I bought Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis, which comes with other stories that "he could stand", according to the book's description. The splurge is made two times more epic with the three Murakami titles. =D

All of these books I bought while staying under budget, which was great! That's the wonder of having a list handy. =D It's like getting groceries.

Sometimes I wish I had the same determination when it came to clothes sales or whatnot. But, I just can't. /le sigh /story of my life

--- --- ---

Busy with a lot of work stuff, not to mention church stuff (Candlelight, le sigh), as well as school stuff (one subject wonder). How I manage to make entries like this one here that make sense, I consider now a major feat. 

I need an outlet. Somebody invite me to a photoshoot. Somebody invite me to karaoke. Somebody invite me to something I enjoy. 

小さな痛みさえ愛しくて

Even a little pain is lovely.

I am alive, ergo I will blog.

--- --- ---

Hello new hair. This here happened the day after I (finally) confirmed that I did not pass the audition. I'm glad that I have short hair again. That means less time to fix, less product, less fuss, less damaged ends.

I wish that my hair had the type of curls that had meaning. Mine just curls, end of story. It doesn't fulfill any aesthetic purpose whatsoever. Getting a digital perm will be GADAWFUL for my budget. Getting a perm will mean telephone cord-like curls, which isn't what I want. Plus, the whole notion of getting a major treatment like that is something that I'm not too keen of at the moment, since my hair is still recovering from that super awful rebond of 2008.

--- --- ---

In one of my interviews of recent, I was asked if I have Chinese roots. I smiled at my interviewer and replied, "My official answer is no, I don't have Chinese ancestors. But in my head I try to make up stories where in I have Chinese ancestors who mingled with my actual mestizo and mestiza great-grandparents, just for fun."

She must have thought that I was whack. But that was better than telling her that I sometimes fantasize that I was adopted. WAHAHAHAHAHA.

--- --- ---

I am officially a Cinemalaya volunteer. *huge grin*

When I saw the ad on Tumblr that CCP was looking for volunteers, I thought I'm jobless, so what the heck? I should give it a shot. My first Cinemalaya was 2009 (I watched Astig), and I'm not a film buff in any shape or form. Nevertheless, I got a spot (a much-coveted one at that, apparently).

What are the perks, you may ask? I get to watch the films for free provided that it's not during my shift. I also get a shirt and a shiny certificate from the CCP. Oh, before I forget - I got a tour of the CCP, which costs Php200 plus. Yup. Volunteer work is fantastic.

What totally made my day yesterday was when I got to see the CCP Main Theater, aka the Tanghalang Nicanor Abelardo. It had the old theater smell to it, and was all kinds of awesome, for many great performances of the Broadway kind (among other epic productions) were staged here. Usually you'd have to pay a huge sum of money to be able to sit as a patron. Yesterday, I got to stand on the stage of this theater because I was accepted as a volunteer. Oh the joy.

As part of my break-in, I have to attend the opening of the festival, which is happening Friday at 4PM. Since I have class on that day I'll only be able to stay until 5:30 PM max, then go back to DLSU for Stat class. One of my assignments is also to familiarize myself with all the movies in the festival (together with screenings), which is pretty tough.

I haven't decided yet what movies I'll watch. I've been told that Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank is good, as well as Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa, so those are on my list. But if I may be totally honest, I'm looking for a movie that is as provocative as Astig. Yup, provocative is a good way to describe it. XD Recommendations would be nice though.

That's it for now. Until the next one, then. =D If you're bored, I recommend that you look at my progress with the handwriting meme thus far at Tumblr.

Not by might, or by power...

Hello universe, I am back. /le sigh

This will be long. Let's take this one event at a time...


--- --- ---

One hundred years of Lasallian presence

One hundred years of Lasallian education

One hundred years of Lasallian awesomeness

--- --- ---

Me, along with some college friends celebrated the Centennial last Thursday. We first met at CBTL in the newly renovated University Mall (promise, the University Mall that we experienced was FAR from the UMall now), then we had dinner at Persia Grill just beside it. By the way, DO NOT EAT THERE and spare yourselves terrible service and forced tipping. We had to be in school before 7:30 to get to the acoustic concert/poetry reading, but since service was poor, we got to school quite late. And yes, we were forced to tip. No joke here. They didn't have change for the money that we gave and the server had the gall to tell us "I-tip niyo na lang yan." We were late, so we didn't have time to argue. If we argued, it would have been over a Php20 bill, but then again it was worth the arguing because they didn't deserve the tip to begin with. Anyway, I hope that this blog post will serve its purpose when the adventurous person Googles Persia Gril U-Mall and finds this entry here. It will be worth letting go of the Php20. =D

Now, DLSU is very different from the campus where I spent a year and a half with. It's very urban, which very much suits the city where it is situated. It doesn't help too that the football field has been excavated in order to make way for the Henry Sy Hall, so now the school is left with but a few trees. But football field or none, the memories that we collectively shared in DLSU are the stuff that not even new buildings can take away from us.

Since we were late for the acoustic concert (THANK YOU TALAGA PERSIA GRILL UMALL), we celebrated the Centennial at *drumroll please* the 4/F of the Miguel Hall.

This building was my home for nearly a year and a half. M314 was my first classroom, so a lot of my "testing the waters" happened in this hall right here. What I'll never forget about Miguel is its ridiculously cold aircons. Ang lagi ko ngang biro in the workplace is that in La Salle, we are trained not only for the real world, but also to withstand cold room temperatures that are common in the workplace. Some go as far as believing me with wide-eyed wonder. HAHAHAHAHA.

Yes I know there's a concert and other things, and celebrating the Centennial in a deserted hallway seems like the most boring way to celebrate...but just reminiscing college life in sheer quiet, without sharing the humidity on ground and getting the sweat of other people on your arms is blissful.



--- --- ---

Have I mentioned that I lost my voice? *looks back at previous entries* Yes, I did.

It's been a month since then. The "breathy" phase of it is gone, but I still sound rough. What's worse, I seem to have lost control of my diaphragm/lungs, in the sense that I cannot hold air for too long.

This by far is the worst completely-lost-my-voice incident I have ever had. To make matters worse, I absolutely hate salabat.

Today, I visited the ENT again (two or three weeks ago he prescribed me some steroids, which goes to show how bad it was...), and he gave me some anti-inflammatory and anti-reflux meds, plus he told me to hydrate and refrain from vocal abuse. I wanted to snicker when he said that cause I absolutely loved the term...

So, there's nothing left for me to do but obey the prescription, do vocalizations...and probably take a swim at the Sports Complex so I could strengthen my lungs again.

Hay, hail to thee alma mater talaga.



--- --- ---

I mentioned the voice issue because...*breathes in*

I went to an audition yesterday. My first audition in...years. Like, seriously.

Against all odds (including my voice teacher XD), I decided to go with my audition for this musicale. It was the last day of auditions, and I chose to confirm on the last day on purpose cause I thought my voice will be back by then. Of course...if anything can go wrong, it will. /le sigh

I was the fourth to audition in the afternoon batch. When I heard the first one, I was like oh my stars, why am I here? I fumbled for my iPod inside my bag and tried to distract myself with my music and the lines that I was given for the audition. Inside my head, I was telling myself, why am I here? I was told that I shouldn't be here, and yet I came! My voice isn't in perfect condition! The one singing sounds incredible - how can I stand a chance with this voice?! 


So I prayed. I think I remember praying that God will help me do whatever I can in order to sing at the very least in tune, and not to sound too hoarse...and probably a hodgepodge of other fragmented thoughts that came at the spur of the moment, and then I distinctly heard:

Not by might, or by power, but by My Spirit.

At that point, I knew that whatever the outcome will be, it will be as God wills. And with that thought in my mind, with all fear shoved aside, I was asked to enter the audition room.

And, as how most anime episodes end: つづく . . . Heeheehee. The story goes on.

Super special awesome ultra special sexy transformation sequence, go!

"I'M BACK, BABY."
Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, I owe you one.

Ladies and gents, I give you the camp post.


--- --- ---

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me..."
Galatians 2:20

That verse pretty much sums up my entire camp experience. It was absolutely WRONG for me to think that it was the typical clean fun camp that I experienced during the camps that TFCA held for us. It was dirtier, messier...and I'm still not inclined to say that it was more fun XD. If they told us "This is like CAT/COCC camp" then I would have prepared myself mentally as well as physically.

I was not ready for mud.

In the previous post, I said that camp was a traumatizing experience. It was so much so that I completely broke down (as in waterworks talaga) on the last day. I had lost my voice, I had no wit left, and barely any reserve power to even will myself to eat. But somehow, I survived.

But more than these experiences, that verse really applied in the fullest force possible when it was time for altar call counselling. I had training (but I admit that I did not listen as well as I should be, HAHAHAHAHA!), but it still felt like I was coming into a battle that I wasn't prepared for. Yet, as I said in the post prior to this, I was fully aware that it wasn't me who was ministering to these people anymore, like...I became a vessel, and my self took a back seat. It seems unbelievable, I know...but it's an experience that one has to feel for himself, I guess. =D

Now that's been said, it's off to my personal best (and worst) experiences.

Between two realities

< OBLIGATORY GLOATING PART OF THIS POST >

I survived the NON-DOOMSDAY/RAPTURE of May 21, 2011.

Need I say I told you so? XD

< / OBLIGATORY GLOATING PART OF THIS POST >

--- --- ---

I'll reserve camp talk for another post, simply because it deserves its own post, and I want to have pictures to show when I write about it.

In a nutshell, however, it was traumatizing. Yes it was generally great...I had fun being myself (more specifically being pasaway) and everything, but the emotional toll on myself was just so much that I completely lost my wits at one point. Oh, and my voice too...that I completely lost by Friday.

Nevertheless, beyond my feelings and dealings I am so overwhelmed with what happened in camp. It definitely exceeded all expectations. At a point in camp I thought the sensation of having mud thrown on my face will be a feeling that will haunt me for the rest of my life...but the mind has its way of dealing with these things. XDDD I just wish I had a moment to watch all the awesomeness unfold, but my job in camp was to fight a battle that was supernatural in nature and minister to kids who were hurting and lost. It was a test of mental toughness in many ways, and I'm glad I survived (although barely).

Let me just say that there were a lot of stuff that I didn't know I had in me that showed during camp. What surprised me the most that there were many times that I was completely aware of my "mind" or "soul" taking a backseat, while someone (or should I say Someone...yup, that's more accurate) completely takes over. It gets better: the takeover was so complete that I could barely remember what I said, or rather, what my mouth uttered to a specific person I was praying for at a certain time. So, I know I was standing, I know my hands were on a person, I know I was speaking, but the words...just...wow. On a normal day or conversation, I wouldn't be able to say them.

Today, my voice is back, yet I sound hoarse still. I'm trying to keep quiet as much as possible since I have two job hunting appointments tomorrow, and I definitely need the trusty throat to be well enough in order to impress.

--- --- ---

I am officially a grad student of De La Salle University.

Since it was a requirement, I attended the new students' orientation yesterday afternoon (which was basically like undergrad LPEP, only many notches down in terms of execution). I enjoyed more the program-specific orientations, to be honest.

Here's the stuff that stuck during the four hour-orientation:
1. I cannot get a grade below 2.0 (which is basically anything below 80%),
2. If I want to pursue a doctorate degree, my chosen program will not cut it, and
3. I have eight years to finish the program.

Number 2 is something I'm content about at the moment, cause I honestly don't want to do a thesis by my lonesome. Plus, for the life of me, I cannot imagine attaching a "Dr." salutation to my name XDD.

Number 1 is something I am a bit nervous about. Then again, during undergrad, I only got two 2.0s. But that was undergrad. So yeah. XDDD

Number 3 I found very amusing.

--- --- ---

When the orientation was over, I felt obligated to see for myself the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf branch inside the University Library.

I saw it, and inside my head the Hallelujah Chorus played. The moment was glorious.

Now the Library will have the aroma of coffee mixed with old man smell. That's definitely an upgrade. XDDDD

Don't come looking for me

Just when I thought that I have had my fair abundant share of camp experience during high school, I find myself preparing to attend this year's youth camp at church - not as a participant, but as a worker.

Funny also that I can barely remember my own youth camp experiences back in high school (btw all my youth camps were high school-initiated. I never attended the church youth camps when I was studying). Only fragments remain...such as the awful accommodations we got (the cabin smelled of cat poo cause there was cat poo inside; plus we were expecting rooms with air conditioning but all we got were said filthy cabins and an exposed shower area) and the feeling of being set on fire with the heat coming from within, and then I was taking a plunge to a deep recess that I know I'll never get out off...and then I woke up sweating...

Oh, and I don't remember if it was the same camp or another one from a different year, but it was also during camp when I had my first encounter with a live snake (outside a zoo). It was in the pool that we were all swimming on. One classmate had a tremendous fear of snakes that he freaked out when it was lifted out of the water. And to think I was freestyling-breaststroking-pretending-to-drown with the rest of my classmates with a snake lurking just nearby...

SO. YEAH. YOUTH CAMP. AT TWENTY FIVE. This ought to be interesting...

Oh...this also means that I'm out of the radar (i.e. NO INTERNET HOHMG) from Tuesday until Friday...and probably Saturday too, cause that's enrollment day.




--- --- ---

I am back in Manila. I won't be coming back to Laguna tomorrow, or the next day.

I won't be coming there for a while.

Like I said a few posts back, I want to depart from my style of blogging now - which is, well, pretty random and slice-of-life with a kick - to one that is more introspective and journal-like. The way to do this, I guess, is to write more, as in notebook-pen writing. My tendency is when I'm doing the journaling online I get distracted with a lot of stuff that there's absolutely no room to do some real thinking. In one article I read about writing, the author recommended disconnecting your computer from the Internet in order to write. But for me, the fact that I am in front of a computer means instant distraction. If there's no Internet I have my video files, my iTunes, my photos...

Hence, it's time to go back to the roots of writing. The pen is mightier than the sword, so goes the saying, and a sword can definitely do major pwnage on laptops!





--- --- ---

Two of my last pictures of very familiar sights in Laguna. The first one is my final sunset, less the sun, and the view of the familiar empty dorm hallway, the first door is the one that led to my room.  The second picture is very interesting (to me, at least). I always see maya, but this is the smallest one I've seen in my entire stay, and this was taken on my last day. I was hoping that it wouldn't fly away while the camera was focusing on it, and it didn't. =D Both were taken using Dylan, so excuse the 5MP quality. XD

Here's a transcript of what I wrote during the eve of my last day in Laguna. A lot of things were on my mind then...when I tried processing all these by myself, I became very emotionally charged, and I knew that there was no other way to wrestle with it other than to write it all down.

Realidad

I am back in the bundoks, and the welcome I got shocked me to my core.

My keyboard was ant-infested. YUCK.

It's amazing what a week of not touching my office PC could do.  Yes I eat while working, but I don't eat that much that it deserves an infestation of epic proportions. I ate more when I was at MP and though my keyboard had morsels of crackers and whatnot, it never became ant-infested like this.

It's all good now - the ants have been vacuumed out of the keyboard, and it's back again underneath my fingers like it never happened.

And it will NEVER happen again.



--- --- ---

I asked a colleague what he/she did during Holy Week (and it was more of a question for the sake of asking a question, just to avoid dead air), to which this person replied (with much gusto) that s/he went to Quiapo and joined the procession (so much so that his/her arms had tan marks), fasted, prayed, etc, etc. Then, said person asked me what I did during Holy Week.

I didn't know how to answer him/her. During that small window the events of last week flashed in my mind: Tuesday I was in church practicing for the Easter musical; Wednesday was also devoted to practices; the memories of my Thursday are all hazy; Friday was Clark day; Saturday we celebrated Nanay's birthday; Sunday was a whole-day-church-day. Oh, and I remember watching Tennis no Oujisama and fangirled when Tezuka and Fuji's matches were being shown during the weeknights...

I would have answered "naging busy ako kasi meron kaming ginawa nung Easter", but I didn't. So, I decided to avoid the question by just shrugging it off. In response, this person asked "Wala ba kayong ganun (Holy Week) sa inyo (sa church)?".

Um. Ouch. For me, specifically. So since I was obligated to save face, I mentioned that we had an Easter thing for church but didn't bother explaining the details because I felt so embarrassed.

Now that I think about it, I could have spent the Holy Week more productively. I could have swapped a few hours of the Tennis no Oujisama marathons we had last week with some Bible reading and reflection and stuff...but I was too busy relieving myself from the stress and pressure I face at work (and at church too, admittedly) that I tend to indulge myself more than I should...



--- --- ---

Since I already mentioned Tenipuri I might as well talk about it. I'm not like a super duper mega fan of the series. I know some of the characters at varying levels, mainly those from Seigaku. Later on I found out about Rikkaidai, and the techniques that sounded like they should be used for an anime like Bleach or Rurouni Kenshin...but I digress XD

I'm kind of a closet fan of Tezuka x Fuji. OKAY SO IT'S NOT SO CLOSET ANYMORE. But their bromance is so sweet that it's got to be canon. Like...BEYOND THE TENNIS COURT CANON. Oh and Echizen x everyone in Seigaku is also cute XDDD


--- --- ---

Interesting how the environment is out here in the bundoks right now. About an hour ago it rained. At about 5PM these really interesting birds came out and flew about. I have no idea what they're called, but I can assure you they're not maya. But most noteworthy of all was that a bunch of the malapapaya trees were burned due to a grassfire that occurred last Saturday. The fire wasn't big (or so I was told) but the wind was so strong, which resulted into the how and why our trees caught fire.

So yesterday was Easter

CAN I GET A DOUBLE STRIKETHROUGH?

EASTER CANTATA
I Knew He Was Love
+ almost all songs, in backup

If I may quote Jesus Christ: "It is finished." *keyboard smash of happiness*

I finished uploading the play pictures and the behind-the-scene photos on FB, (the latter, to no surprise, exceed the number of pictures taken during the play). Didn't do much editing on them cause I'm feeling lazy. XD

It's my second time playing Mary Magdalene. However last year's attempt (during Good Friday) wasn't anywhere near the difficulty of yesterday's. During the first, the acting was separate from the singing. This year, I had to act while singing. Uhh. Yeah.

I'm aching on my left side now cause I forced myself to land hard on a wooden stage on all four runs of the play (no pain, no drama). My voice, surprisingly, isn't broke - and to think that I was a bad, bad girl yesterday for drinking copious amounts of iced Coke and Pepsi and stuffing myself with puto, pizza, barbecue and other goodies (I was honestly not expecting to be fed generously yesterday, so thank you to those who gave food =D Had to do some exercising before bedtime since I still felt full from the pizza I ate at 3PM).

Oh yeah, lest I forget: Pei Pa Koa, I'm a believer. XD


--- --- ---

To be honest, I was totally not expecting the reaction we got from the play/musical. The first time we ran through the whole play was during our last practice, which was Wednesday (or was it Thursday? Wow I can't even remember...). Usually the first run-through of a production would happen way before the play date, so it should be near perfect during the last practice (as in production level na ito).

But one thing I learned about doing stuff for church is this: everything will come together in ways that are simply unexplainable. Even the 10AM service, which was the worst of the four, was enjoyed by many! A bunch of people came to me and said that they loved my part; most of them went as far as saying that they cried during my scene, and I'm like "Wow, really?" and then I'll say "Sorry!" for making them cry and rebound with "Thank you po!" after.

But now that I think about it, this kind of unexplainable awesomeness has happened before; last time was during the Thanksgiving Concert. During that time, for my part especially, it only came together on the day of the concert itself, and yet the reaction of the crowd was the same as yesterday's - awesomeness.

I would be lying if I said that I never have any doubts when I get myself into these kind of presentations. I'm a firm believer of preparation, and I knew that we could have used a lot more of it. But when all was said and done, I've got to put these doubts aside and be assured that there is a God greater than my doubts and is the source of all awesomeness. And, with a simple act of faith comes mind-blowing surprises that blogging about it still won't do the event any justice.


--- --- ---

Tomorrow I go back to the bundoks. The Holy Week vacation is officially over. Le sigh.

Randomness

I survived a facial from hell tonight. As you can see, the damage isn't much, but it still hurt =/.  I was supposed to take some hormonal pills but I couldn't get a clearance from the OB-GYN. So, the dermatologist also gave me a natural supplement, but it costs Php1,800 for two months...and I don't know if that's cheap or expensive. =/ It's likely that I'll look for a natural supplement at Healthy Options over the weekend to end my fight against corruption acne once and for all. Until then, I gotta get through this. Le sigh.

This was tonight's dinner. Le sigh again.

I usually don't mind a Cup Noodle-dinner (especially if it's the Japanese kind), but this one wasn't so good. I guess it's because it's the Light variety? I dunno...I prefer the regular one. *shrug* Tinamad lang ako magluto kanina kasi 8:00 na ako dumating sa dorm at gutom na gutom na ako...

--- --- ---

So, I learned that this schoolyear, the school's anime org (for college) was established, and since it's College Week they had an exhibit. I went there. It was not bad for a first - of course it could be a whole lot better (and it pales in comparison to the NKK exhibits). I asked the students manning the exhibit if they have manga, and they showed me what they had. There was One Piece, Tsubasa...and I forget the rest, but they were all mainstream and...*drumroll please* ENGLISH.

And it dawned on me how much the fandom has changed with this generation (and here I start my lament on being old, hahaha!). Gone were the days that you'd have to be very creative to get manga in Manila; gone were the days of second-hand manga stores sa MCS that brought such joy to fangirls'/boys' hearts and souls. Now the titles are available at Powerbooks or Fully Booked. In Eng-freaking-glish. I think the fans who would sacrifice an arm or leg to get a Japanese manga are already a dying breed - moreso fans who are into non-mainstream series and would have to spend more just to sate their fix.

I offered the kids tips (oh gosh I called them kids...I'm old)...like stuff that we did during college days sa NKK. I also told them that had I known that there was going to be an exhibit like this I would have made a little contribution and brought some of my manga (provided, of course, that they worship it take good care of it). But probably, the most important advise I gave them was to not limit themselves to anime; and I seriously hope that they see why.

I sort of feel for them because they don't have a full-time adviser for their org, which makes things really challenging, especially for a newly established one. Sa NKK, we had our own problems, but at least we were not on a struggling probationary status all the time (on certain years we were but by gosh we pulled through and became one of the most active orgs, wazzup!). A part of me really wants to help those kids...just so I have something to work on that's not work per se...

Consider the lilies

I've been wondering a lot lately...wondering about my current depressed state, wondering what I should do right now, wondering what I should do for the next week, or the next month...

Wondering if I'm doing what is right, or if I have been fooling myself all this time...

Wondering if I should be where I am right now, or if I should be somewhere else...

Wondering if I'm wasting my time doing what I'm doing, and if I can be of better use in a place or realm that I have yet to discover...

Wondering if there's a brand new world out there waiting for me...

Wondering why the heck am I thinking that I am the center and reason for existence of this universe, when I know I'm not...

Hay, you get the point. I don't mean to be emo or anything like that. These are my real thoughts, anyway.

I'm still wondering now.

The breeze here now is getting warm. The food selection in the cafeteria is starting to dwindle. And I don't feel any better, yet the world dictates that I suck it all up and tread the course. I'm doing it, but only half-heartedly. But I'm doing it. That should count for something.


--- --- ---

We've got a tree blooming these light pink flowers in the quadrangle. I sneaked out for a while to take pictures, while admiring how pretty the flowers were.

During my shutterbug moment, a small, soft voice in my head said "Look at the flowers. They do not labor, and yet they are beautiful..." And even nothing came after, I instantly knew what this meant.

It's funny (and rather creative, if I may add) that I am reminded of these things in such an unlikely moment. But I felt very thankful that God cares for me immensely more than a beautiful flowering tree.