Sound-off

I am a perfectionist. It is mostly on this quality of mine that I make this post, and this isn't directed to anyone in particular.

I've known since I was a kid that I was inclined towards singing. I wanted to be good at it - until I got to second grade, when I was told that I sucked. When that happened, I thought to myself that it would be best if I did not present myself in anything that required singing (which was mostly choir-related during grade school). The reason for this was because I didn't want to bring anyone down along with me. Choir singing is team singing. You've got to have one sound. Put it simply, if one sucks, the rest could (possibly) sound bad as well.

Of course, that changed as the years passed by and here I am, but that story has been told X number of times and is not the point of this post. What I'm trying to drive at here is the mindset of "being good enough to be good". 

One of my favorite quotes regarding talent is from Genji Monogatari. It goes like this:

Once you begin studying an art, no matter which one, there turns out to be no limit to what there is to learn, and you hardly ever master it well enough really to please yourself.

This quote is a favorite because it sums up my whole perspective on whatever art form I am inclined to - I don't think I'll ever come to the point wherein I could say, "I have finally arrived." You could say that this is vanity, maybe even pride. I do feel an overwhelming sense of relief whenever something I have done with my hands (or mouth) is acknowledged to be good, but I do not stop on being just good. In my head, it's always this: there must be something better than what is already good.

This is the reason why I will never understand people who sing or write and aren't exactly good in the technical sense, and yet flaunt themselves and force their way into the spotlight without so much of a hint of restraint. By "technical", I mean that for singing, they sing off-key (among other technicalities that I will not mention here); for writing, they have wrong grammar, et cetera.

Usually, when I encounter people like these, I immediately dislike them. The passion to write prose or sing a tune I do not question,  nor the person's faith (i.e. if it's in church); but if the person wants everyone's attention whilst the skill is obviously lacking, then why? What for?

Whenever I see bad!fics posted online, I notice that most commenters say nice things, even if the writing is  all over the place. To be honest, I admire these people who manage to extract whatever goodness is present in something so horrible; but for me, when I read something so bad, I will not waste my time finding a single good quality in it, unless of course I'm paid compelled to (i.e. I have to make a review).

I started this article with singing. I know a lot of people who are good, but are rather reserved about their skill - they let their skill speak for them. I also know a lot of people who can sing, but they want to be better at it (they show this by investing on themselves, i.e. getting voice lessons). These are the kind of people I admire the most, because they aspire for something better than their current state. But for people who just saunter in, take a mic like it was the most natural thing to do and birit their vocal chords out - these people piss me off big time. It's not because they're lacking the skill, it's the audacity by which they flaunt their lack of it and yet believe it to be otherwise.

Now, of course I don't show my disgust. I just keep it to myself. Cause, if you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say it, right? Of course, if I am someone in authority (i.e. if in a choir, I was assigned to teach; if in writing, I am a beta reader), this will be different. But between the written word and song, the urge to voice out my dismay is stronger with singing, because more often than not, the person/s who err are in front of me. To make it worse, I know I can be quite ruthless with my words, and I can just let go of all restraint without giving a second thought to it.

Having said all this, I feel so much better (this right here is therapy). If you ask me how many times I've held my tongue to say something really bad with someone's writing/singing, I think it will be a while before I run out of stories. Looking at it from another perspective, I guess I cannot expect everyone to think like me, or have the same determination like I have with the artistic exploits I pursue, and that should be respected.

Nevertheless, I still wish that they can be bad someplace else. But I think it's better to ask for more grace. =)