If you've seen my Tumblr lately, you must have chanced upon this post.
Last Saturday, I said that I don’t feel any remorse - YET. =/ A few days after, I still don't feel remorse. However, there's a tiny emotion that's of the slightly disturbed kind, though. I've said it on Tumblr, and I'll say it again: Yes, it’s my high school; yes, that school did some good things to me; yes, I met a lot of great friends there that I still keep now…but…yeah. The thing is, what I remember most from this school is that I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I dare not elaborate.
I think the batch may be organizing some effort to help the school out. I have no qualms about it; I'm actually open to helping out, in spite of my feelings.
When I comment on fandom stuff, I try to minimize the "AHHH OH MY GOD HE IS HAWWWTTT SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE" kind of comments. I graduated from that already (except on Tumblr, which is another realm altogether!). I'd like some kind of meaningful discourse, so when I do post a comment on a group/community, it's often something that's aimed towards a good conversation.
But I realize that the more I try this, the more I frustrate myself.
If I don't get something good from a comment I make, I won't be too bummed about it. But if I get a lecture instead, like I was some newbie? OHGAHDNO.
This really pissed me off. Let me count the ways:
- When I said I was positively intrigued, it was a statement, not a question. I wasn't looking for answers as to why I was intrigued...
- And since I wasn't looking for answers, the moment I saw a laundry list of answers - one that's meant for a NEWBIE to the fandom, I felt offended. Never mind that I own five out of the six manga in Japanese. Never mind that I've watched both seasons of the series. Never mind that I've co-written a hanakotoba story for the series which was submitted to the radio drama of the series (and though it wasn't read, it was still submitted). Never mind that when I like something, I will devote my time and resources to know about the subject that's of interest...
- And, just like cherry on top of ice cream, after I post a substantial reply, all I get in return is a "me too :)". UGHITY UGHITY UGH.
I therefore conclude that it is near to impossible to engage in a meaningful conversation with people in the fandom because [a] people will assume you are stupid/do not know anything about the series being discussed and they know helluva more than you do, OR [b] most people in the fandom can only answer well to specific types of posts, such as the classic fangirl reactions, i.e. "OH MY GAHHHD HE IS SO HAWTTT!" But when it comes to posts that require a bit more thinking than usual, everything sort of bogs down.
Lesson learned: next time I will post in a community, I will think twice. Or, I'll stick to Tumblr. There are more sensible people there...I think.
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