No, I do not make it my business to scare men off

This may look like a rant post, but what this really is is me taking a stand.

One of my most dreaded questions is this: "Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?" I hate it as much as I hate pimples or skin asthma; maybe even more. I hate it that my being single is like a required topic whenever I'm around. I hate it that I have to muster all available patience and self-control (which is, admittedly, not much) in order not to say something that would embarrass myself, my parents (if they're there), or whoever is there. Most of all, I hate it that almost everyone who asks this question is always hinting that it is me who has a problem, and even if there's someone present who knows me well, they could not even speak up for me.

Okay...maybe the second part about defending me is over the top, but you get the point.

Almost everyone who has asked me the boyfriend question told me that I may be "scaring guys off", or maybe I'm "too intelligent" for them, and even this: "do you prefer women?". If you cannot read it from my facial expression during that time, then read this: I find all of these offensive.

If you are reading this and you've asked me this question, or if you've said similar things to someone else, please explain to me this: why do you assume that if a young woman is single, that the problem lies with her?

Here's why I don't understand the logic of it: I have a lot of guy friends. I do not make it my business to scare men off, but I am also not lapping my tongue for a boyfriend. You may think that I do it old school, na hindi na uso ang Maria Clara ngayon, but you have to respect that I do things this way.

If you were in the Thanksgiving concert, I shamelessly tackled my being single in front of people whom I barely even knew. I am comfortable with my "status", or whatever you want to call it. Of course, I wonder how my life will be like if I had a boyfriend, but since he hasn't come I'll have to keep wondering. But more important than wondering is preparing myself for him, whoever he is. By faith, he will come. Until then, the waiting game has to be played.

But please...never, as in NEVER tell me that it is my problem, because I never saw it as mine.

And at this point, I will refer you to this fantastic article. I agree in the sense that this question is like an alternative to "kumusta ka" or what-have-you, only offensive. Although I do not share the same frankness of Pam Pastor (though her list of possible answers look very interesting), our sentiments are pretty much the same.

I'll try to end this in a positive note. The only people who have asked me this question that I felt good about were people in church. Though some still made snide remarks like the ones listed above, an overwhelming majority encouraged me to press on - that being single is a blessing inasmuch as being in a relationship, and that I'll have to wait and prepare myself until that person comes. This is what I need to hear, and I am fighting back tears as I type this. I don't need people who tell me that something in me is wrong, or my being single is punishment from God. That is a lie.

And if this is you, then I don't want to have anything to do with you at all.